"This sounds fun, interested?" That's what I sent to Carly a week or so ago after reading about a local Barre class on Groupon. Barre, as in what ballerinas stand on their tip toes next to while squatting slowly, listening to nice music and raising their arms above their heads with all the grace of a beautiful swan. So we signed up. $39.00 for 5 hour long classes. A steal.
Classes filled up fast, so in the mean time we joined a gym and have been feeling especially fit. Our first class was today at 7:30, so I had 20 minutes at home to briefly stuff my face with pita bread, hummus, cheese, tortilla chips, and a couple of chocolate covered blueberries. Let's just say my yoga clothes weren't looking so sharp by the time we ran out the door.
We arrived at the class and our teacher Denise told us to pick out 2lb, 3lb, or 4lb weights. As per usual, I scoffed at the 2-3 and went with 4, thinking it seemed low. Any illusion of an enjoyable new work out was shattered when we heard Denise say "boot camp." When Charlotte Church came on the iPod, she laughed and asked if we should work out to that. Yes, yes I think we should. I like The Prayer..I like that music during a stress relieving Pilates work out.
Apparently I didn't sign up for the right class, so our punishment was to not get a spot along the side walls, but rather along the back, in the center of the room. With the mirrors glaring back at us, we were on center stage. First up in Boot Camp was cardio. Since I don't do work-out videos, this was not a good start to the class. Since I don't dance without the help of a choreographer, that wasn't good either. Denise didn't seem to recall that Groupon offered this deal to all of Tampa (including those who haven't done this before), so there was no instruction whatsoever. This resulted in me waving my arms in the air with the occasional off-beat stomp and butt shaking. Thanks to the mirrors, I could see Carly too. At one point I was laughing so hard at myself that I could hardly keep up the charade. I hope Denise didn't see and think I wasn't taking it seriously. The first time I looked at the clock out of misery was less than 7 minutes into the class.
The 4 lb. weights didn't last long. Oh, I was too prideful to put them down, but after a good 10 minutes on each arm, things didn't feel nice. The actual "barre" part of the class was minimal. We did a lot of standing on one foot to the point that it was my knee that was in pain, not my muscles. Carly was sweating so bad next to me that she figured she must be way out of shape...I took it to mean I was just doing everything completely wrong.
I started cursing ballerinas about 40 minutes into the class. All the little skinny chicks around the class looked perfect standing up on their tippie toes. Actually, even the far from skinny chicks looked perfect standing on their tippie toes. So I'm pretty sure it was just us struggling. Carly says she saw some cheaters, but I'm not convinced. As my sincere irritation continued to grow, I didn't have warm thoughts for Denise either. I also had the growing suspicion that we weren't going to get to finish with stretching, sooo that ruined the light at the end of my tunnel.
Oh, I almost forgot, Denise lies. She starts the countdown at 8 after you've been going for a while. It goes something like this, "All right let's finish up-- 8.....7.......6.....keep it strong!....5......keep that stomach in.....4....relax those shoulders.....3.......almost there keep holding.....2.......1...let's hold it extra long.....OKAY, only 15 more seconds!" No joke. I don't operate that way. If I'm giving my all for 8 seconds, don't make me do it again. If you tell me I'm done and then make me do it again, I'm not going to believe you. Clearly she hasn't heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.
We ended the class with "burpies," which apparently is the ballerina name for an up-down. I was pouting at this point, so mine were crappy. I've never done such a lame push-up. Those wimpy knee push-ups? I don't even know how they actually work. When those were done, the stretching began. At this point, my left knee was hurting so bad that I was doing double the "work" on my right leg. Since the stretching hurt too, it didn't really matter anymore.
Finally. It was over. I wanted to book it out, but somehow we were the last two in the classroom so I was forced to chit chat with Denise. As I stood there with my hands on my hip and my legs shaking in places I didn't know could shake, she asked me how I liked the class. I wasn't about to lie and say I liked it, but I couldn't tell the truth either. With what I imagine was a less than convincing smile-chuckle, I said it hadn't been exactly what I expected. Since I thought perhaps she had noticed my one-leg work out at the end, I mentioned that my knee had started hurting pretty bad. Her response? "Yea...you know how I kept telling you to move your foot closer to the bar? That's why."
Thus ended my one and only experience with Barre Boot Camp.
Lesson Learned: Don't think that a deal on Group-On will teach you how to be a beautiful ballerina. You can always be beautiful, but most of us will never be ballerinas.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Who knew?
This blog post is dedicated to some of life's greatest discoveries. Laugh and enjoy, but no judging, please :)
1. As a child growing up in Minneapolis, we'd drive down Lake Street and pass Walter Drug. Newer to spelling and reading, I was under the impression that Walter Drug was somebody's name and "drug" was actually "Doug," the same name as my dad. One day in Sunday School, we wrote our parents a letter for our teachers to send them in the mail. Such a fantastic idea! What a surprise it would be for my unsuspecting parents to receive a letter from their own daughter! I wrote the letter and my teacher addressed it under my close supervision. To my dismay, she addressed it to Doug and Patti. Naturally I had to fix the spelling error, so when she wasn't looking I slid the envelope across the table and changed it. Sometime during the anxious waiting that week, we drove past the store and just to be sure I asked my mom what the store was called. My heart nearly stopped when she told me. I was mortified. How could I have put such a terrible word on this surprise letter to my parents!? Sadly, my excitement turned to dread and I was forced to spend the rest of the days waiting for the mailman on our porch swing in hopes of intercepting the mail before my mom would see this bad word in place of my dad's name.
2. I once carried around a chocolate Easter bunny covered in tinfoil for several days before realizing there was chocolate inside. I thought it was just a pretty bunny.
3. I pride myself in having played many different sports growing up. Tennis, soccer, softball, basketball, swimming, volleyball, etc.. But before all of this, it was ballet and tap dancing that had my attention. Every night our instructor warned us not to jump off the stage, but to take the stairs. Every night, we longed to ignore that counsel. One evening, no doubt in anticipation of our upcoming show or under the false illusions of being a great ballerina, I leapt off that stage in true Juilliard fashion and promptly ran into a table. I cried all the way to the ER (though somewhere I got an ice cream bar in there) and still remember walking into that room that was starched white with nothing but a silver table in the middle. My tears slowed as I asked my dad where the sewing machine was. Relief washed over me, my anxieties cast away, as he informed me that being "stiched up" didn't mean that my head would be placed under a Singer. Phew.
4. I didn't know until 2011 that there was a difference between VW and BMW.
5. I was reading one day in college and saw the word "breakfast." For the first time in my life, I wondered why I had always said "breakfrast." ....there isn't an "r" in there! I was soon comforted by the fact that Jessica Miller and my sister both still added the r, so I guess that one wasn't just me :)
6. You know how the bottom of a billboard will have a name written on it? (See picture: "Jones" on the left) I always thought this meant that every family gets a turn at picking what to place on a billboard. I got fed-up one day driving past the old Sears building on Chicago Avenue and asked my parents when it would be our turn. Such a let-down.
7. I always thought the Delta blankets were free for the taking on airplanes. Last year I was informed this is not the case.
8. In 5th grade Rachel J and I got caught passing notes and had to put the notes on the teachers desk. To my utter embarrassment, Rachel had written that "breaststroke" was her best stroke in swimming. I quickly scribbled back that it was "breathstroke," distressed that she thought that it included "breast" in the name.
9. I spent one summer biking around Lake Nokomis spreading my bubble gum on my tongue and sticking it out for the world to see. I was so proud to have perfected blowing bubbles that I didn't check in the mirror to see that I had done no such thing and really was just sticking my tongue out at everyone we passed.
10. My first diary entry ever was written at the age of 8 and went something like the this, "Dear Secret Diary, I like someone and if you can keep a secret I will tell you how (who) I like." I proceeded to list a number of boys in my 2nd grade class. These lists lasted until at least the 8th grade. Why I thought this was the point of a diary and that lists of 5-10 boys were acceptable, I will never know.
11. My parents went on 3 different cruises while I was in grade school. My mom wrote us each a note for every day they were gone and Mrs. Gregg would give them to us each morning or evening. On the final cruise in 4th grade, I read a Titanic story one day at school. I knew it might be a bad idea, but told myself it was okay because I would know by evening that mom and dad were okay. That night, Mrs. Gregg gave me two letters since she wouldn't see me the next morning before we left for school. I asked her how she already had the letter and she had to explain to me that my mom was not sending them each day from the ship...I didn't sleep much the rest of the week.
12. I thought my dad played for the Minnesota Twins and knew Kirby Puckett before I was born because he had a picture at the Dome in a Twins jersey. I told someone that once camping and they told me they they recognized my dad's name, verifying my story.
13. Barney warned kids of putting sunscreen on around their eyes. I thought he warned to be careful when putting sunscreen IN your eyes, so I called Bekah in one day to put sunscreen in both of our eyes before we went to the beach.
I didn't believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, walking on clouds, or that the Tooth Fairy was anyone but my parents giving me a silver dollar under my pillow, but somewhere along the way I made all of these assumptions. I can only surmise that there are plenty of puzzling discoveries yet to be made!
1. As a child growing up in Minneapolis, we'd drive down Lake Street and pass Walter Drug. Newer to spelling and reading, I was under the impression that Walter Drug was somebody's name and "drug" was actually "Doug," the same name as my dad. One day in Sunday School, we wrote our parents a letter for our teachers to send them in the mail. Such a fantastic idea! What a surprise it would be for my unsuspecting parents to receive a letter from their own daughter! I wrote the letter and my teacher addressed it under my close supervision. To my dismay, she addressed it to Doug and Patti. Naturally I had to fix the spelling error, so when she wasn't looking I slid the envelope across the table and changed it. Sometime during the anxious waiting that week, we drove past the store and just to be sure I asked my mom what the store was called. My heart nearly stopped when she told me. I was mortified. How could I have put such a terrible word on this surprise letter to my parents!? Sadly, my excitement turned to dread and I was forced to spend the rest of the days waiting for the mailman on our porch swing in hopes of intercepting the mail before my mom would see this bad word in place of my dad's name.
2. I once carried around a chocolate Easter bunny covered in tinfoil for several days before realizing there was chocolate inside. I thought it was just a pretty bunny.
3. I pride myself in having played many different sports growing up. Tennis, soccer, softball, basketball, swimming, volleyball, etc.. But before all of this, it was ballet and tap dancing that had my attention. Every night our instructor warned us not to jump off the stage, but to take the stairs. Every night, we longed to ignore that counsel. One evening, no doubt in anticipation of our upcoming show or under the false illusions of being a great ballerina, I leapt off that stage in true Juilliard fashion and promptly ran into a table. I cried all the way to the ER (though somewhere I got an ice cream bar in there) and still remember walking into that room that was starched white with nothing but a silver table in the middle. My tears slowed as I asked my dad where the sewing machine was. Relief washed over me, my anxieties cast away, as he informed me that being "stiched up" didn't mean that my head would be placed under a Singer. Phew.
4. I didn't know until 2011 that there was a difference between VW and BMW.
5. I was reading one day in college and saw the word "breakfast." For the first time in my life, I wondered why I had always said "breakfrast." ....there isn't an "r" in there! I was soon comforted by the fact that Jessica Miller and my sister both still added the r, so I guess that one wasn't just me :)
7. I always thought the Delta blankets were free for the taking on airplanes. Last year I was informed this is not the case.
8. In 5th grade Rachel J and I got caught passing notes and had to put the notes on the teachers desk. To my utter embarrassment, Rachel had written that "breaststroke" was her best stroke in swimming. I quickly scribbled back that it was "breathstroke," distressed that she thought that it included "breast" in the name.
9. I spent one summer biking around Lake Nokomis spreading my bubble gum on my tongue and sticking it out for the world to see. I was so proud to have perfected blowing bubbles that I didn't check in the mirror to see that I had done no such thing and really was just sticking my tongue out at everyone we passed.
10. My first diary entry ever was written at the age of 8 and went something like the this, "Dear Secret Diary, I like someone and if you can keep a secret I will tell you how (who) I like." I proceeded to list a number of boys in my 2nd grade class. These lists lasted until at least the 8th grade. Why I thought this was the point of a diary and that lists of 5-10 boys were acceptable, I will never know.
11. My parents went on 3 different cruises while I was in grade school. My mom wrote us each a note for every day they were gone and Mrs. Gregg would give them to us each morning or evening. On the final cruise in 4th grade, I read a Titanic story one day at school. I knew it might be a bad idea, but told myself it was okay because I would know by evening that mom and dad were okay. That night, Mrs. Gregg gave me two letters since she wouldn't see me the next morning before we left for school. I asked her how she already had the letter and she had to explain to me that my mom was not sending them each day from the ship...I didn't sleep much the rest of the week.12. I thought my dad played for the Minnesota Twins and knew Kirby Puckett before I was born because he had a picture at the Dome in a Twins jersey. I told someone that once camping and they told me they they recognized my dad's name, verifying my story.
13. Barney warned kids of putting sunscreen on around their eyes. I thought he warned to be careful when putting sunscreen IN your eyes, so I called Bekah in one day to put sunscreen in both of our eyes before we went to the beach.
I didn't believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, walking on clouds, or that the Tooth Fairy was anyone but my parents giving me a silver dollar under my pillow, but somewhere along the way I made all of these assumptions. I can only surmise that there are plenty of puzzling discoveries yet to be made!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
D-Day. Don't ever forget.
Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force--
You are about to embark upon a great crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers in arms on other fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in the free world.
Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and battle hardened, he will fight savagely.
But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats, in open battle, man to man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strengths in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our home fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together in victory!
I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory!
Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessings of the Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.
--General Dwight D. Eisenhower
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